Public Farts

I just left the tech center at 4 in the morning. I wasn't sitting near anyone so I was just letting out my gas as it came. Farting in a public place is so much cooler than farting in your room.

uh oh...

i have some of the worst farts of my life, i may have swine flu.

The Sneaker

The other night I was lying in bed with my girlfriend about to go to sleep. I had to fart, so I thought I would try to slip it out silently. I got about halfway through, when the silence was broken by some good, quality ass trumpeting. I wish I could say this led to sexual endeavors, but instead all I got was a slap on the arm and a groan.

an unfortunate rendenvouz

so i had a meeting at 11 am with my professor, just to talk about the semester so far. this is usually my tuesday nap time, so i drank some sort of starbucks energy coffee drink. as if coffee needed any more caffeine. well my stomach has already been upset this week, so all that caffeine didn't help, as gina piccarri told me, "coffee makes ya poop." so im sitting with my professor, who is extremly long winded, and i just have to fart so badly, im just squirming in my seat like a little bitch. so i sprinted home crying when it was done and farted alot.
the end.

stuck on my ella...

people say farting in an elevator is one of the rudest things someone can do, i disagree. I feel that doing that, and sharing a good laugh and a terrible smell with another person is the most polite thing you can do.

god created farting.

we've all had a time where we are sitting alone, and produce a fart that makes us think "oh my god, i made that."

Blake Wexler drives a gay ass car

Last night I went to this college humor comedy event where someone named Blake Wexler was performing. Anyway, the show was about two hours long and I was holding in terrible gas the entire time. Well once it finally got done we packed into the most homosexual car/suv/ idk what it was but it was fucking gay. And being the shortest person of the group (story of my life) I was expected to sit on the floor because there weren't enough seats. Right when I felt the gas really building I warned everyone to open the windows. So I let out two quick farts that both sounded like someone just shot a bee bee gun that they spent ten minutes pumping the pressure up. Approximately 2.3 seconds after the gas was released from my body Jeff let out a "oh dear god" and Blake yellled "what the fuck did you do in my car!". The only sad part of this story is that I wasn't able to see Casey's (blakes girlfriend) face which was apparently one of disgust, surprise, anger, and sickness all in one. I have no idea what im talking about, fuck everyone.

sports illustrated

good publicitiy in the world of farts, dwight howard is on the cover of sports illustrated, and in the story stan van gundy had to enforce a "no farting" rule in practice because of supermans antics. yes.

Endurance

Last week I was in a situation where I really could not let any go for a while. So naturally it built up and built up. And finally I ran to my car after a long period of butt clenching. As soon as I got in and hit the seek button on my radio while simulatenously unleashing a fart. The radio started at 90 FM, and by the time the fart ended it was all the way at 98.1 FM. I don't know if that makes any sense, but it was the longest fart in recent memory.

Happy Farts

One of the coolest things ever just happened to me, like borderline dream come true type of thing. So only one thing could make the moment even sweeter. Sitting there in my chair I let out a real ass whistler. It sounded like a trumpet playing "TA-DA". oh and confetti shot out too

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jrBaV5MvX_4
this is what im talking about.

also i just farted. and it came out like way hotter than normal? am i ok?

birthday cakefarts

Its a close friends birthday, and I was on the phone with him wishing him a happy birthday, and i felt it no better time to let a solid fart rip, then while on the phone. What better time is there for fart than that? I DONT KNOW DO YOU???

Pleasure

I dont know what you are into...but if you like some nice porn mixed with good ol fashioned farting...

www.farthammer.com

its the tits

and this kids reaction

is priceless.
private school farts.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Id0sd5enxkc&feature=related

also this

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o6vN4H6L458

a pleasant suprise

im sitting here, i had to fart, but i knew it was just going to be a quick one, so i didn't get that excited. but this fart keep pushing on, and kept going like that guy who was running a marathon and then his body just gave out, which i found to be sad but hilarious. Sadly i cannot find that clip on youtube so i will show you two videos i found which are just classic humor. also the titles make me laugh.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wABxx_5ASGU

this video's song sounds like farting.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tZmDWltBziM&feature=related

Harry the K

I bet that his farts sounded as good as his voice...RIP

a matinee

Farting in the movie theatre is much less rude than having your cell phone go off, and much funnier.

Sniped

I got home from easter break and grabbed a quick dinner by myself at the sac. Sitting by myself, I thought it would be ok to cut one, so I ripped a nice ass-clapper.

From behind me I hear "woah!" and laughter from the kid's friend, as he watched his buddy get bombarded with my stank. Turns out, there was someone walking directly behind where I was sitting.

He probably deserved it.

party

i was at a party, and i found out a girl i was tlaking to was in high school, so to disrespect her lack of maturity, i farted. beacuse that makes sense.

I came home for Easter break this weekend and was arguing with my parents about something stupid, like what we were having for dinner that night. It wasn't really a serious argument, but regardless there was lots of yelling. My nephew was over for the day because his mom had to work. He was laying on his back on the couch and right when the argument was at its peak, he rolled over to his stomach and let out a two-part-fart. The first was a loud but short whoopee cushion fart followed by a longer trumpet like fart. Needless to say, the argument ended and we are having meatloaf for dinner... good for more farts.

sleeping

can your body force out a fart while you are sleeping? or do you have to physically coax it out of your butthole?

Zipper Farts

i just farted and it sounded like someone pulling a zipper extremely fast. zipper farts are some of my favorite farts. they also tickle.

sporting events

i was at the phillies game today, and in the middle of a cluster in ashburn alley, with the phillies making an epic comeback, just when the tying run is scored, the entire moment is ruined, or possibly made better, by a mystery person ripping a gross ass fart in the middle of the pack of people. whoever you are, fuckk you. and thank you.

A Heads Up

Just got back from the laundromat. Never trust a fart.

Social Bathrooms

So my freshman year of college I lived in a hall where we had social bathrooms.  I wake up one saturday morning having to take a terrible shit.  So I head down to the bathroom and take my usual stall.  About two minutes into my session some kid comes in and gets in the stall next to me.  After a few seconds I hear him grunt and just the loudest stereotypical fart noise I have ever heard (the same kind you get when you put your hand in your armpit only like 7 seconds long).  Immediately afterwards there is complete silence, then both of us just laugh uncontrollably for a good minute.

valley fart middle school

I'm at VFMS, its 5th grade, Its after third period snack time and all of a sudden i feel this sharp sharp pain in my lower stomach/pelvis area. So i did what any logical 5th grader does at the time. I turn to my friends who are playing four square and say "yo i think my testicles are going to explode." Then i go to the nurse, she tells me to go to the bathroom and feel them and see if anything strange is in there. When i am alone in the bathroom, i let out an epic, epic fart that was probably the result of not wanting to fart in class and holding in 3 hours worth of really good farts. This begs the question...is holding in your farts healthy? Clearly the answer is no, therefore, fart all day.

Frat Fart

I was out at Penn State one weekend visiting a bunch of my friends. We pregamed pretty hard and went to some frat (I have no idea which one). It was pretty crowded and I was up at the bar trying to get a beer but it got to the point where only chicks and people who knew the brothers could get a beer. Well I'm pretty pissed and just let out a good fart in disgust. After like ten seconds the fart mixed with all the sweaty body odor and smelled like an old gym sneaker filled with poop. The kid behind the bar goes holy shit what is that smell and turns to me and says "dude did you fart". I'm drunk as hell so my response was "Yup". His reaction... He gives me two beers.

another reason why farting is better than a ruptured spleen

alrite ur probably not gonna think its funny but in the seventh grade i had like the worst stomach pains ever i thought i was internally bleeding so my parents took me to the hospital like i got hooked up to the iv and all tests blah blah but like after all of that the doctor pressed on my stomach and i farted and it just turned out to be a gas bubble thing

Empty computer lab?

Ever farted on leather? I just did. Sounded like donald duck getting castrated. In the computer lab, just like in the army, I farted first, then checked to see if anyone was around to hear me. The computer lab was, indeed, empty.

Cooking with gas- Christmas edition

Last Christmas, I had the perfect fart cockail- a huge bacon and cheese omelette with fried potatoes for breakfast, and roast beef with mashed potatoes, mac and cheese, stuffing, and lots of gravy. We were at my Aunt's house for dinner in South Jersey, and on the ride home I started cutting the thickest, most vicious farts I could remember. The farts were so thick, you could taste them. When I let the first one go, my dad, brother and sister (who were all in the car) all cursed me out and put down their windows, despite the fact it was around 20 degrees outside.

After this first fart, the rest of the car ride home went like this: I would roll down my window preemptively, as I had been told to do. My brother and sister would immediately scream, cover their faces with their sweatshirts, and roll down their windows. My dad, who was driving and could not cover his face, would just start screaming "OH SHIT! OH SHIT! OH SHIT! OH SHIT! OH SHIT!" over and over again, with a look on his face like someone was aggressively trying to braind his gooch hairs. All the while I would rip another of this cloud-like bombs, and laugh away like a drunk, toothless old man. I wish I had power like this every day.

Ok, my roomate fell asleep on my living room floor, so I'm gonna go fart on his head.

CHAMBER OF FARTS!!

In Atlantic City for the A-10 tournament... wake up after a good night of drinking... just non-stop farts that constantly make me and my motel mates gag and go "oh god"

at the tech cneter

just farting alot. take that all you studious fuckers. enjoy my scent.

wtf

cake farts goes anything every i stand for. why ruin a good cake. theres a kid somewhere and its his birthday and he doesnt have a cake cause some crazy bitch just sat on it and then farted and the camera showed her butthole vividly.

milk

im in left field of a playoff game for softball, just ripping ass because i drank alot of milk before the game. terrible idea.

one night

after a talent show, my friend was complaining about stomach pains. he ended up on his bathroom floor in such pain while blasting "behind these hazel eyes" by kelly clarkston. all of a sudden he just yells at his mother "mom its a fart!" and lets out possibly the loudest most violent fart i have ever heard in my life. hes been fine ever since.

inverted farts

its 2009 baby. get with the program.

Give Praise Where Praise is Due

My roomate just farted and it was a highly skilled one I must say. You know those door stoppers people used to have a lot, the metal ones that were like springs and you could fling htem and they'd make a cool noise. well tahts the fart sounded like, it was pretty cool. it could also be compared to the animated noise a flea makes when it jumps.

milk plus farts

is just bad news all around. smells terrible. but you can like fart in other peoples faces and really make them upset. you can ruin their day. but its painful for the stomach. your thoughts?

Thunder!

I guess its something with the pressure in the air, but when there is a thunderstorm, you just have to fart. try timing it with the thunder. its a fun game. winner take all! the farts!

Never Forget

I was just sitting here. Just casually sitting here. I let one go. Well to be more specific, one kinda just rolled out. Nothing weird, just a poofer. No real noise except for a real low-key version of the sound you hear when you open a 2 liter pepsi for hte first time. So i continued to sit there and it completely slipped my mind that I farted. I forgot. Then i breathed through my noise and smelled...then I remembred that I did. It was a deadly reminder.

promotion

i dont know if any of you guys heard us on "the boys locker room" show...awesome! now post your farts!
Email- Tua77344@temple.edu
password- farting1

now post your farts. its good for you.

one rule: no queefs.

i had a fart today and it sounds like opening a snapple bottle

A deck of cards

Today I farted and it sounded like someone shuffling cards. A high-pitched, rapid fire cracking followed by a smooth aroma. Smelled like broccoli.

a topical craig's list ad.

We met on Craigslist so I am hoping that this post finds you. I know that it could quite possibly be the most humiliating first date that you have ever been on, but I am willing to look past that. I thought we had chemistry sitting at Awful Arthurs sharing that basket of Cajun Tots while drinking the Terminator Stout. I really felt like there was a connection there. I found you to be intelligent and witty and looked forward to further conversation with you. At some point in life, everyone has gambled on a fart and lost. It just happened to be on a first date in the passenger seat of my car. Please don’t feel bad. The package I sent you with Pepto the next day and the note that said “First dates are always a crap shoot. Call me” was meant to be funny, not offensive. I have gambled on a fart and lost on multiple occasions. The first time I did it was very memorable. It happened when I was five and sitting on my uncle's lap. I am lactose intolerant, but love cheese. I probably win 95% of the time, but I don't think anyone wins 100% of the time. That's why they call it "gambling". I'm the last person to judge you for crapping your pants. In fact, I am impressed by your boldness. The timing on the other hand, could have been a tad bit better...like when you're not sitting on a heated leather seat... What I am trying to say is that if you want to go out again, I would be more than happy to take you someplace where we can get a meal that is high in fiber and less taxing on the digestive tract. I await your call, Tad P.S. - If you shat yourself on purpose to end the evening early…Touché…

chain reaction

big news. i just sneezed and as a result, i then farted. it was a bang-bang play.

what if...

what if mascots could fart? like the phillie phanatic, or the syracuse orange? what would their farts smell like? what if the western kentucky mascot farted? would he just shrug his shoulders as to say "im not a real creature, i dont have a gender, or a personality, but i can sure fart" comment and let me know what you think!

damnnnn

ive had a longgggg day....i just wanna let a bunch go. some real boomers.

celebratory

i received a very important phone call with very good news this morning. as soon as i hung up, i let out like a four second beauty to celebrate.